Birthday Note To The First Man I Ever Love....

Dear Daddy,

Every year, your birthday reminds me how grateful I am that you are my father.
With all that’s going on in the world today, I’m thankful I get to watch you, to look up to you being an example of a good man. What a real privilege it is to observe your strength, your competence, and your kindness.

I am so blessed to be under your wing, your protection and your care. I have witnessed you protected me many times and I will forever be thankful for that.

If all fathers were like you, the world would be a very different and much better place.

Of all the men in the whole wide world, There is no man whom I respect more or of whom I am more proud of!

Happy Birthday, Daddy! I Love you!!!!!




  (Credits To Google Images)
                                                                                                                            

Birthday Note To Mom

Dear Mommy,

I got a bit time
And sat down to write to you…
A thousand words flooded my mind,
But no single sentence could come through.

So I let my mind stop for a moment,
And left the thinking to my heart…
Then everything came together,
And I knew exactly where to start.

In my 32 years of existence,
I’ve been through so much pain…
I’ve suffered setbacks & terrible losses,
And my hard work were all in vain.

I’ve tasted a million bitter moments,
Most of which got the best of me…
The darkest clouds covered my young days,
And hope was something I could barely see.

My heart is in tears as I remember
And as pain & sadness echo through…
But in the midst of sorrow, I feel a warmth
And inside my heart I see you.

Dear Mommy, you are the reason
Why I am still here today…
You held my hand, held it tight
And you stood by me all the way.

Dear mommy, in you I found my strength
And the will to survive & to live…
You taught me to overcome my circumstances,
And to make the most of what life will give.

You turned my troubles into experiences,
From which I learned a great many things…
And my bitter moments into sweet memories,
Which showed me the miracle that a mother’s love brings.

Dear Mommy, in you I learned the power of prayer,
My dearest mom, I love you,
And I‘ll forever be thankful for having you….
I pray that God will always bless you,
And I pray that someday, I’ll be a great mom just like you!

Happy Birthday, Mommy! I love you and wish you good health always!

                                                                                                                                                       (Credits to Google Images)

“Every life’s test is a detour towards the highway to victory, not a dead-end street”(by:Ira Navarro)

Seven years ago, I lost someone so dear to me.  He showed me a past I never could’ve imagined. Losing him taught me to look at life in a whole new way and experiencing that sort of intense grief opened my eyes and got me thinking about life.

His arrival was unanticipated, accidental and unwanted at that time, therefore causing mixed emotions- it was fear over happiness! Yes, the evil thought of having an abortion crossed my mind at one point (who would not be terrified and confused because of an unwanted pregnancy?) but the sense of right and wrong guided me to do the right thing (God had a plan) and to this day, I have never regret making the right decision of bringing him to this world rather than being a selfish coward.

 I found out about my pregnancy during the time when I feel like everything in my life was going extremely well, all the things I wanted and dreamed of is plainly coming my way - except for the roller coaster relationship I was having with my (then) boyfriend- his dad. 

And so came the most awaited day January 24, 2004....I gave birth to a baby boy. For the moment, all my fears (in raising a child on my own since living with his dad has never become an option for me just because he got me pregnant), the physical pain, emotional hurting and mental torture coming from the different reactions of some judgmental people disappeared when I held him in my arms. Seeing his angelic face, touching his tiny little hands & feet, hearing him cry for the first time and watching him instantly feel safe knowing I’m around was truly a priceless thing any woman could ever ask for!  It’s a feeling of ecstasy and fulfillment. 

That moment made me forget all the worries…until 2 months later after his birth he was diagnosed having a congenital liver disease known as Billiary Atresia, a rare condition that requires a liver transplant (though not a hundred percent guarantee that the patient will survive. – It all depends on how his body will react with the new liver.) Yes, another distressing, tear-jerking issue to deal with (that moment I questioned God that maybe he is getting a bit over confident in testing my strength)! Since then we have been in and out of the hospital which has literally become his home for 1.5 years. 

Watching him in pain, being exposed to a major operation at such an early age beyond doubt gives an excruciating feeling…causing me to almost give up and breakdown many times yet every time I see his sweet smile while in pain abruptly revives me and gets me going again– it’s like his eyes are telling me “Mommy, it’s going to be okay.”  

At that time I was so convinced that the reassuring look upon his face was a sign that he’d be better and we will happily live together. I was dreaming about lots of good things of me and Jar together like hearing his first few baby talks, seeing him in his cute little school uniform, teaching him sing his first nursery rhyme, taking him out, buying him toys, etc. yet I was wrong maybe he meant, “Mommy, you will be okay as God and I are preparing you to be stronger when I leave.” 

His passing away was the foremost painful experience I ever had in my life. It’s like half of me died as well. Hatred, sorrow & self-pity sink in immediately after. I lost the will to live at some time… But it is indeed true that when you have a strong faith, no matter how lost you were you will still find your way back…thankfully I did!

I still couldn’t figure out what was God’s purpose but I stopped questioning. All I am certain is that Jar has become an instrument to make me see life in a different perspective now and opened my eyes that I should never let myself settle for someone /anything less as I deserve nothing but the best.

I knew how it’s like to lose the people you love (whether it’s losing a love one because of death, break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend or even misplacing something very precious), I know how difficult it is & how lost and empty you can feel until you learn to live around it. 

As for me, having & losing Jar taught me many great things (the hard way)… I learned how it’s like to fall, be lost, miserable and when to get back up and give my life a direction over again. I have learned to appreciate and give importance to the things and people around me even more. (We should, you should…. while they are still around.) 

Once in our existence, we all have been impulsive, stubborn, irresponsible, and rebellious, we never listen to what our parents or love ones has to say, why they set rules and more often we misinterpret why they get angry… We blindly see the fact that (although not always possible) they are just trying to shield us from the pain and trouble of having to face the consequences of our wrong actions / decisions. 

There will come a time that destiny will test each of us where in we will have to make choices on our own no matter how our love ones try to guard us… when it does arise we must all be courageous and sensible enough to battle with it and should never let any sort of failure stop us from getting back our grip. Every life’s tests help us become stronger and prepare us for the next big challenge. We must look at it as a detour not a dead-end, like a highway towards victory! 

This episode of my life left a great impact on how I positively see things now. Not only because it taught me to look at every failure as a stepping stone to success but it made me believe as well that losing someone indeed has a purpose… you don’t need to know the reasons why because later on you will see the answers coming your way unexpectedly. I may not know it still but I am positive that I will in time….I have been through failed relationships, lost a love one & encountered difficulties but I made a choice to stand up and not be miserable forever- for myself, for my family, for the people who care for me and for my angel Jar.

Just Quotes - D.A.J.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

 

credits to Google Image

1 part human, 1 part mermaid and the rest is yet to be discovered…..

To start of, jumping into deep sea or even getting up-close with sea creatures was in my list of “NOT TO DO” ….. I used to be one of those who are damn scared of swimming in the sea for so many reasons…. fear of open space, fear of what lies beneath and the silly thought that someone’s gonna pull my legs down till I drown.….  It isn’t until I took that leap of confidence that I came to understand that many of those fears are unwarranted. The ocean indeed can be a magical place (if you give yourself a chance to explore the exhilarating scenery down under –God’s exact masterpiece)

I had my first dive in 2009…At first it was just out of curiosity that then developed into passion… Gazing into the grainy depths of divers’ photos as I admire their bravery wishing I could do it too. I was so fascinated with the images and the thought of what’s down under… and so I tried as letting my fears stop me is a “no-no”…well, that’s how stubborn I am and will always be… I get even more challenged when something seems to be stopping me at any point.

Having the opportunity to try diving turned out to be the veracity of this long time dream, the start of the story of my lifelong experience, my strong affinity to the sea and my battle to fight my fear of open space. I begun to understand everything that’s in it without being petrified when up-close.

In the beginning it was just to conquer my fear of fish and other sea creatures, but then I came to realize that being in the Maldives would be a total waste if I don’t try my long time fascination… So I rushed to a Dive Center and tried scuba diving… first try was fun but I was not so keen, few reasons are lack of time, one dive tires me plus so many other excuses…but then I guess I was hypnotized by the breathtaking beauty of the deep and made me do it again…and fell in love with it since then!

Each dive is always like a fresh experience to me, every sea creature makes me gaze in wonder at the miracle of life, the genius creations of God, my veins are still brimming with excitement as I uncover the mysteries of the under water world. There are times that I somehow feel an unexplainable connection with it.  Yeah I’m somewhat crazy and I figured that out since long time…

I find it comical to watch sea creatures be captivated by the divers’ presence (imagine their funny huge eyes looking intently at you), like wondering what kind of silly looking creature you are…hilarious…

To witness different varieties of species from gorgeous colorful class to a funny looking type and not to forget creepy ones is in fact enchanting…to watch them group and show-off their nice groove—like dancing in a musical play—enthralling indeed! 

Next in my “TO DO LIST” would be to sky dive– auuffffff when and where!!!!

-Dolce Angelo-