“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ― Mother Teresa

Going through loss and pain has changed the way I see life now..... The old me who never knew what sharing and valuing others really means has evolved into someone more deeper.

The pain and sorrow I have gone through has led me closer to God and his teachings, although I was raised  by God-fearing families on both my father & mother side, only since I knew how it was like to lose a part me, has taught me the true meaning of His teachings -to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share...Only by doing these acts that I feel closer spiritually with my Dolce Angelo.

Loss & pain has been an instrument that lead me to God's calling, Back in 2008 myself along with 2 of my girl friends organized a feeding program on Christmas Eve, we strolled the side walks of Pateros & Pasig churches in search of families on the street waiting for Christmas alms from passersby.... We made pledges and out of that we were able to feed more or less 50 children (I can still clearly remember the look on my friend's face when we came across a family from Zambales, the mom carrying her sleeping baby who is having such a high fever on a cold night outside the streets of Pasig). The unexplainable joy of knowing how happy they were has really been so heartwarming, a feeling that I will never forget.

Since then the unplanned devotion of doing charitable act has continued and I am proud to say that it has influenced my family & friends to pledge and support me in this benevolent act, and I praise them for that!

We often say that things happen for a reason, I think that this is one good reason I had to pass through all the downfall in my life, to open my eyes to the beauty that God teaches us. To this day I plan to continue sharing the blessings that I am being bestowed upon, we do not need to be an angel, we just need to learn how to payback.

Pain and loss has taught me not only to be strong in times of sorrow, but it behooved me to look within myself and turn to the best dedication possible, those endowments I had from our Creator.

 “When you know that everything matters—that every move counts as much as any other—you will begin living a life of permanent purpose.” This is my purpose in life, to continue a charitable act as a simple way of thanking my Creator for his unconditional LOVE.

(Photo - credits to Google)

“When we suffer, we are being conformed to the image of Jesus. When we pray, we are being made holy in the image of Jesus. When we quietly serve a person in need, we are being shaped into the image of Jesus. When we generously give, our heart is being remade into the image of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.” 

Just Quotes - D.A.J.

She didn't blame him for whatever reason it didn't work out; she didn't like herself like that, either. but she couldn't go back to being the girl she'd been before she met him; that girl was gone...

Birthday Note To The First Man I Ever Love....

Dear Daddy,

Every year, your birthday reminds me how grateful I am that you are my father.
With all that’s going on in the world today, I’m thankful I get to watch you, to look up to you being an example of a good man. What a real privilege it is to observe your strength, your competence, and your kindness.

I am so blessed to be under your wing, your protection and your care. I have witnessed you protected me many times and I will forever be thankful for that.

If all fathers were like you, the world would be a very different and much better place.

Of all the men in the whole wide world, There is no man whom I respect more or of whom I am more proud of!

Happy Birthday, Daddy! I Love you!!!!!




  (Credits To Google Images)
                                                                                                                            

Birthday Note To Mom

Dear Mommy,

I got a bit time
And sat down to write to you…
A thousand words flooded my mind,
But no single sentence could come through.

So I let my mind stop for a moment,
And left the thinking to my heart…
Then everything came together,
And I knew exactly where to start.

In my 32 years of existence,
I’ve been through so much pain…
I’ve suffered setbacks & terrible losses,
And my hard work were all in vain.

I’ve tasted a million bitter moments,
Most of which got the best of me…
The darkest clouds covered my young days,
And hope was something I could barely see.

My heart is in tears as I remember
And as pain & sadness echo through…
But in the midst of sorrow, I feel a warmth
And inside my heart I see you.

Dear Mommy, you are the reason
Why I am still here today…
You held my hand, held it tight
And you stood by me all the way.

Dear mommy, in you I found my strength
And the will to survive & to live…
You taught me to overcome my circumstances,
And to make the most of what life will give.

You turned my troubles into experiences,
From which I learned a great many things…
And my bitter moments into sweet memories,
Which showed me the miracle that a mother’s love brings.

Dear Mommy, in you I learned the power of prayer,
My dearest mom, I love you,
And I‘ll forever be thankful for having you….
I pray that God will always bless you,
And I pray that someday, I’ll be a great mom just like you!

Happy Birthday, Mommy! I love you and wish you good health always!

                                                                                                                                                       (Credits to Google Images)

“Every life’s test is a detour towards the highway to victory, not a dead-end street”(by:Ira Navarro)

Seven years ago, I lost someone so dear to me.  He showed me a past I never could’ve imagined. Losing him taught me to look at life in a whole new way and experiencing that sort of intense grief opened my eyes and got me thinking about life.

His arrival was unanticipated, accidental and unwanted at that time, therefore causing mixed emotions- it was fear over happiness! Yes, the evil thought of having an abortion crossed my mind at one point (who would not be terrified and confused because of an unwanted pregnancy?) but the sense of right and wrong guided me to do the right thing (God had a plan) and to this day, I have never regret making the right decision of bringing him to this world rather than being a selfish coward.

 I found out about my pregnancy during the time when I feel like everything in my life was going extremely well, all the things I wanted and dreamed of is plainly coming my way - except for the roller coaster relationship I was having with my (then) boyfriend- his dad. 

And so came the most awaited day January 24, 2004....I gave birth to a baby boy. For the moment, all my fears (in raising a child on my own since living with his dad has never become an option for me just because he got me pregnant), the physical pain, emotional hurting and mental torture coming from the different reactions of some judgmental people disappeared when I held him in my arms. Seeing his angelic face, touching his tiny little hands & feet, hearing him cry for the first time and watching him instantly feel safe knowing I’m around was truly a priceless thing any woman could ever ask for!  It’s a feeling of ecstasy and fulfillment. 

That moment made me forget all the worries…until 2 months later after his birth he was diagnosed having a congenital liver disease known as Billiary Atresia, a rare condition that requires a liver transplant (though not a hundred percent guarantee that the patient will survive. – It all depends on how his body will react with the new liver.) Yes, another distressing, tear-jerking issue to deal with (that moment I questioned God that maybe he is getting a bit over confident in testing my strength)! Since then we have been in and out of the hospital which has literally become his home for 1.5 years. 

Watching him in pain, being exposed to a major operation at such an early age beyond doubt gives an excruciating feeling…causing me to almost give up and breakdown many times yet every time I see his sweet smile while in pain abruptly revives me and gets me going again– it’s like his eyes are telling me “Mommy, it’s going to be okay.”  

At that time I was so convinced that the reassuring look upon his face was a sign that he’d be better and we will happily live together. I was dreaming about lots of good things of me and Jar together like hearing his first few baby talks, seeing him in his cute little school uniform, teaching him sing his first nursery rhyme, taking him out, buying him toys, etc. yet I was wrong maybe he meant, “Mommy, you will be okay as God and I are preparing you to be stronger when I leave.” 

His passing away was the foremost painful experience I ever had in my life. It’s like half of me died as well. Hatred, sorrow & self-pity sink in immediately after. I lost the will to live at some time… But it is indeed true that when you have a strong faith, no matter how lost you were you will still find your way back…thankfully I did!

I still couldn’t figure out what was God’s purpose but I stopped questioning. All I am certain is that Jar has become an instrument to make me see life in a different perspective now and opened my eyes that I should never let myself settle for someone /anything less as I deserve nothing but the best.

I knew how it’s like to lose the people you love (whether it’s losing a love one because of death, break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend or even misplacing something very precious), I know how difficult it is & how lost and empty you can feel until you learn to live around it. 

As for me, having & losing Jar taught me many great things (the hard way)… I learned how it’s like to fall, be lost, miserable and when to get back up and give my life a direction over again. I have learned to appreciate and give importance to the things and people around me even more. (We should, you should…. while they are still around.) 

Once in our existence, we all have been impulsive, stubborn, irresponsible, and rebellious, we never listen to what our parents or love ones has to say, why they set rules and more often we misinterpret why they get angry… We blindly see the fact that (although not always possible) they are just trying to shield us from the pain and trouble of having to face the consequences of our wrong actions / decisions. 

There will come a time that destiny will test each of us where in we will have to make choices on our own no matter how our love ones try to guard us… when it does arise we must all be courageous and sensible enough to battle with it and should never let any sort of failure stop us from getting back our grip. Every life’s tests help us become stronger and prepare us for the next big challenge. We must look at it as a detour not a dead-end, like a highway towards victory! 

This episode of my life left a great impact on how I positively see things now. Not only because it taught me to look at every failure as a stepping stone to success but it made me believe as well that losing someone indeed has a purpose… you don’t need to know the reasons why because later on you will see the answers coming your way unexpectedly. I may not know it still but I am positive that I will in time….I have been through failed relationships, lost a love one & encountered difficulties but I made a choice to stand up and not be miserable forever- for myself, for my family, for the people who care for me and for my angel Jar.